it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
