i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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