Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
