so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
