why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
