you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
