I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
