Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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