Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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