Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
