No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
