no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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