Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
