im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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