what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
