You're my little dorito
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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