The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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