i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.