dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.