Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
