I didn't shave. On purpose
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.