They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's blow job season.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
