i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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