How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
