put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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