what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
