my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
