So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
