Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
