If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
