I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
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Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
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I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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