And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
