Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize