Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
