Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
