I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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