Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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