i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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