Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
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i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
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I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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