Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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