I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
