hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
