i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
