My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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