Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
