his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
