i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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