I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
3pm strippers are depressing
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
