was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
