I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
