When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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