Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
