So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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