"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
