I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
