Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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