Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
