i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
