need another drink. this is the easiest way
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
two words...techno handjob
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
