just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
