i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
