I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize