every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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