I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
