Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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