I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize