the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if only i could text you this smell
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
