my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
