If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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