so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
