In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
