made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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