Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
