I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
