I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
