I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
