Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
