we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize