he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
