Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Success! We fucked roommates!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
