So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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